Time to Reflect

Well, it's almost my birthday (tomorrow is actually my birthday) and I'm taking inventory of my life. I'll be 38 and counting. I have wondered is this where I want to be in my life? Am I happy or chasing some remnant of happiness of my past? Am I filled with same ideals of my past or have I changed my beliefs over time as the years go by? Rather am I constant or has my Essence changed with each passing day? Have I day-dreamed my life away, or have I learn to ground myself more in reality? I'm a Pisces after all, a day dreamer, who wishes to be more of a realist, a lover, a mother, a mind explorer, perhaps, there is even an artist that is burried deep within myself who wants to emerge a little at a time. The question then remains 'Who am I?'

Have I actually set out in this beautiful life and accomplished certain goals? Hmmmmm.......what brings this line of thinking??? Turning 38 is really not that big of a deal, right? Exactly, except that my partner (daddy bug) is turning 40 this year, and it's my 20 yr High School Reunion is in July, so of course, I'm taking inventory of my life! That AND I'm a Mom!! Having Liliana (our little bug) I really let myself dream bigger, think bigger, and I actual think more about the future, my future, her dad's future, and most of all her future. Funny how that works when you have a child, gone are the days of throwing caution to the wind, thinking of only yourself, and planning only for the now. These days I put Liliana first, her needs first, and thoughts of security constantly flow into my head. So here I'm taking inventory, but still wanting to be a lover, a dreamer who has tried to ground myself in reality, an idealist (to some extent), a mind explorer, and perhaps even an artist.

There are not a lot of answers I provide to the above mentioned questions, as there are more questions for my soul to feed on, to develop as I continue to grow as this person. What I can answer and take inventory of, is that I do feel fulfilled by having our lovely daughter enter into our life. She is a beautiful being who brings us much joy and happiness, so yes I have accomplished much in life, more then I ever hoped to!! Now to develop myself, my career, and my art- life, which I have the rest of my life to do and be, all in all life is so worth living, gratitude straight from the heart baby!

My spiritual questing and mind exploration has also been transformed by the appearance of the Lilibug. She has opened my eyes and guided my soul on a new path that has set me free of past meanderings. My Tarot Card is the 'Lover's Card', and my previous quest in this life has been to find the Other that completes me. Well, now being in relation with my life partner, and with the introduction of our little Lilibug I'm now more complete and full of love then I have ever experienced in any lifetime. My previous searches are over, now begins the search for myself to focus on a new and different part of my identity. It is an exciting time to be alive! I'm loved and I give love, this love is received and regenerated back outward. Inward - Outward, Up - Down, the cycle of life continues within me and through my loved ones. Here lie my introspection and insights, my reflections and thoughts of a life lived, past, present, and future. Thank-you Great Mystery, and my two great loves - Lilibug and Chretien!