Reflections

Time to Reflect

Well, it's almost my birthday (tomorrow is actually my birthday) and I'm taking inventory of my life. I'll be 38 and counting. I have wondered is this where I want to be in my life? Am I happy or chasing some remnant of happiness of my past? Am I filled with same ideals of my past or have I changed my beliefs over time as the years go by? Rather am I constant or has my Essence changed with each passing day? Have I day-dreamed my life away, or have I learn to ground myself more in reality? I'm a Pisces after all, a day dreamer, who wishes to be more of a realist, a lover, a mother, a mind explorer, perhaps, there is even an artist that is burried deep within myself who wants to emerge a little at a time. The question then remains 'Who am I?'

Have I actually set out in this beautiful life and accomplished certain goals? Hmmmmm.......what brings this line of thinking??? Turning 38 is really not that big of a deal, right? Exactly, except that my partner (daddy bug) is turning 40 this year, and it's my 20 yr High School Reunion is in July, so of course, I'm taking inventory of my life! That AND I'm a Mom!! Having Liliana (our little bug) I really let myself dream bigger, think bigger, and I actual think more about the future, my future, her dad's future, and most of all her future. Funny how that works when you have a child, gone are the days of throwing caution to the wind, thinking of only yourself, and planning only for the now. These days I put Liliana first, her needs first, and thoughts of security constantly flow into my head. So here I'm taking inventory, but still wanting to be a lover, a dreamer who has tried to ground myself in reality, an idealist (to some extent), a mind explorer, and perhaps even an artist.

There are not a lot of answers I provide to the above mentioned questions, as there are more questions for my soul to feed on, to develop as I continue to grow as this person. What I can answer and take inventory of, is that I do feel fulfilled by having our lovely daughter enter into our life. She is a beautiful being who brings us much joy and happiness, so yes I have accomplished much in life, more then I ever hoped to!! Now to develop myself, my career, and my art- life, which I have the rest of my life to do and be, all in all life is so worth living, gratitude straight from the heart baby!

My spiritual questing and mind exploration has also been transformed by the appearance of the Lilibug. She has opened my eyes and guided my soul on a new path that has set me free of past meanderings. My Tarot Card is the 'Lover's Card', and my previous quest in this life has been to find the Other that completes me. Well, now being in relation with my life partner, and with the introduction of our little Lilibug I'm now more complete and full of love then I have ever experienced in any lifetime. My previous searches are over, now begins the search for myself to focus on a new and different part of my identity. It is an exciting time to be alive! I'm loved and I give love, this love is received and regenerated back outward. Inward - Outward, Up - Down, the cycle of life continues within me and through my loved ones. Here lie my introspection and insights, my reflections and thoughts of a life lived, past, present, and future. Thank-you Great Mystery, and my two great loves - Lilibug and Chretien!

Hooray!

Liliana is on the mend! Pink eye is decreasing and she has a playdate planned for tomorrow morning at Studio Grow with her little buddies, Miles and Marco. I'm so happy she is feeling better, finally!! It's so hard when she is feeling under the weather, I feel so helpless when she is sick. I try to make her as comfortable as possible, but I feel so helpless when I hear her cries. I'm always so relieved when she starts to feel better.

Thank goodness for sunshine and playdates, I feel as if we have been cooped up inside the outside for far to long. Studio Grow will be lots of fun.

I can also show off my new haircut. I had 4-5 inches cut off my hair this week. It was kind of shock but my head feels so light and more comfortable now.

Pink Eye Sucks!!

Yes, it does...Liliana has pink eye (conjuctivitis) in both of her eyes, and we have been 'attempting' to put drops in her eyes for the last two and half days without much change. It sucks! Poor thing, yellow dried crusties are formed on the outside of her eyes and she definitely is not in a good mood, coupled with a cold (runny nose and a cough). This is not a recipe for fun! I want her go to her school tomorrow, but she may be cooped up inside our house for yet another day (it has been raining for the last 12 days straight). Boo for pink eye! Fingers cross she can go to school, and that the sun will shine tomorrow.

After Christmas Birthday Party Pictures

On the weekend we hosted Liliana's After Christmas Birthday Party, since her birthday is December 25 we decided to have her toddler friends party celebration almost a month after her birthday. We rented the 'Birthday Loft' room at the Children's Discovery Bay Museum in Saulisito, CA. We had a fun time with cake and drinks, and then the tots had the run of the museum with outdoor play structure, train tables, art workshops, and tots structures that were nature based (it truly is a fun place full of tot adventures waiting to happen). Liliana really enjoyed her party, so much excitement that she missed her afternoon nap, but she expressed how happy she was especially when she opened her gifts and found a new baby doll with a car seat! Since Saturday she has not let go of the baby and has sang Happy Birthday to herself many-many times. It was her first real party with her friends! It was so sweet to see all the little kiddos sitting at the table enjoying cake and watching all the adults gather with their little ones seeing proud looks on all their faces! What fun!!

Mendo Madness!

Well, we are back from our little getaway vacation to Mendocino. It was a beautiful trip with spectular views and relaxing vibes. The ocean was breathtaking, the forest lovely, and our little bug had a fun filled time of hiking, playing on the beach, and eating delicious gourmet food. We stayed in a old water tower that was renovated into a quaint little lodging cottage. It was cute, and we had a refreshing time getting away from the busy bay area.

Love Love Love

Today Daddy was day care, he and Lilibug came to meet me after work and we walked home together. Once we got home I lifted Lilibug up to give her hug and Lilibug wrapped her arms around my neck and said to me "Mommy I love you." She melted my heart in that very moment, what a little sweetheart!!! She also told me she missed me today when I called home. I love her so much!! Of course, I also told her I missed her first and then asked if she missed me. Her response was 'miss mommy'.

I went back to work four weeks ago, this time around it's a part-time job, twenty hours a week. It not so bad, I get to focus on my career and get out of the house for 20 hours a week, and I then I with my precious little buggie bug. This week we had no child care, so Daddy was looking after our little being. They had such a fun time together giong for pizza for lunch, taking long naps, and going on field trips, such as Habitot Children's Museum. Daddy really enjoyed his prescious time with his little girlie bug. I'm not sure who had more fun? I would come home and both of my darlings had face paint on their faces, art supplies strewn around the house, with Lilibug dressed in a unique combination of clothes (sometimes over her pj's). I'm so happy that Daddy and Lilibug had their special together.